I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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