Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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