I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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