Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
