so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
