Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
