Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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