don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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