she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
