i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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