Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
