Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
