ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
