Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
