I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
