Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
