So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
