is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
