One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
