i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
