if you like me you must not know who I am
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
