the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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