I wish I only lived at night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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