at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
