I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
