I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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