Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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