So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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