They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
