eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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