So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
