How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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