You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
