this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
