i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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