handjob tips. give me some.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
