He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
