I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize