This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
