My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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