I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
