Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
