No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
