when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
