listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this will be a night to untag.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
