didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
