Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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