your room smells of hookers.
And success
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
