I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
