Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
where are you?
Hypothermia
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
