And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
