my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
