you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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