just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
