"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize