So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
