I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
