Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
