what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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