I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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