he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
