I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
