I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
