Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
