I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
