Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
