Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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