My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize