Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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