im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
