why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
