Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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