the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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