What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
