Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
