dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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