$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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