Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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