wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
